I've been debating on posting this for several reasons, but I thought someone might have some experience with this issue and may be able to help me... I'm sorry this is so long.
I'm not one to watch political conventions. However, my husband is all about the politics, so I am exposed. I really hate the long drawn out battle that elections become, so I try not pay too much attention until it is getting close to the vote. This time, however, I really did want to watch Michelle Obama speak. Since I watched her speak a few days ago, I have been thinking a lot about this time that we are living in. I am an independent, politically speaking. I don't like to align myself with any party because, as in most everything in my life, I can very easily see two sides of the same issue and sympathize with both. So far, though, I have had a lot of fun watching the DNC. I have only seen Michelle Obama and her brother, Joe Biden and his son, and Hillary Clinton. I've never been a big fan of the Clintons, but as I watched Hillary speak I was struck at how far women have come. She said, "My daughter got to vote for her mother for president." That really hit home. Anyway, I am super excited to hear Barrack speak tonight. My friend, Emily, my Dad, and I went to hear him speak when he came to the University of MD a while back. It was so close and it just seemed like a historic thing to do. We wrapped up the babies in the bitter cold and headed out. It was really inspiring. Don't get me wrong, I am not 100% on voting for either candidate yet. I will have to watch McCain and his guys first. But, watching the people speak so far and hearing their stories inspires me and makes me want to do something to change the world.
Now, today is the anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jrs', I Have a Dream speech. And tonight, history will be made when the first African American will officially accept the presidential nomination. During this same historical week, we went to a new ward (congregation)at church. It was one of the places that Jimmy served his mission and he wanted to go back. This was in the middle of Detroit and A LOT of Detroit is in dire straights. There are houses that are half burned down, businesses that have closed and are now full of graffiti, and windows broken everywhere. It is also highly segregated. As we drove through town to get to church, Jackson declared that, "This is a bad neighborhood." When I asked him how he could tell, my five year old whose father is black and whose mother is white, answered, "It is a bad place because all the people are brown."
This post would be even longer if I explained how terrified he has been of strangers and "bad people". (He has a VERY specific idea of what a "bad person" is and they almost always look like a man that I called the police on when I observed him just after he stole a purse. Unfortunately, this man happened to be black.) Since Sunday I have really tried to point out all of the nice people around no matter what they look like, but especially if they are African American. (Not to mention his father and himself.) So, you can see my dilemma. Any thoughts on the subject would be very welcome.
12 comments:
Wow Denise, I wish I had some advice, suggestions, anything to give you. That really is a tough one. The only thing I can think of is getting a blessing. I know, generic, but it was the first thing that came to mind.
Denise,
I agree with you, I have been so wrapped up in this years convention because of the historical aspects. It is wonderful! I too decide not by party but by the best man I feel for the job. I am waiting til I see who I feel will do the best for our needs. Exactly like you. I too felt the same as you when Hilary talked about her daughter voting for her mother and how women have come so far. This is a historical year in so many way! I pray that we do make the right choice! Love and hugs, Aunt Sue
hey d, glad you posted this I hope youhave been able to get some good advice, even if it isn't posted. ITs really a hard one. But, I am sure that Jack will understand. I don't think you can really force the issue. I think it is going to take some time. I know how upset he got with the safety video thing, but maybe in a few months you could find a similar video with a white person as the bad guy? Just a thought.
Denise, thats is unbelieveable! A few thoughts from me...I held back tears last night, and reading what Jackson said to you just reinforces why I was holding back tears...to have a minority restore so much hope to our country has been nothing short of amazing! Since Martin Luther King Jr. gave his speech, our country has been going through very slow stages of progress, but progress non the least, and last night represented one huge milestone in that slow progress...! a few weeks ago Melissa and Alex's best friends stayed for several days with me..they are african american and have been best friends for 3 years..I call them my other children and they are like family to us. (who else would let me have their children for days on end!) anyway, I took them to church with us, and in our ward a woman came up to me and asked me if I took in foster children..I was pretty offended(not to much offends me) and I was really upset and felt a lot of hurt for "my other children"...I was hurt for them that someone judged them like that based on thier skin color, I felt like if the kids with me had been white she would have assumed they were friends, but because they were african american, she assumed they were foster children, from a bad home, that is a huge stereotype, Dale wanted me to give her the benefit of the doubt..it's because thier parents weren't with them at church that she thought that way, I disagree..kids bring friends to church all the time after sleepovers, I know it's because they were black, and I was pretty upset about her assumption that all black children come from bad homes...that was her natural assumption...and this Denise, is what mine, yours and all of our peers jobs are, Barack Obama has taken it to the next level for us, but based on Jackson's words, and based on what I still see..we have a lot of work to do for our children's generation...thank you for sharing and discussing what happened...I would help Jackson to understand what Barack Obama has done for our country (there is a group called "rednecks for Obama" !! who would have thought that in the south, where they RECENTLY argued about the confederate flag, a group would spring up in support of an African American for president!??!) we do have a lot of work to do to continue the progress, but hope can be taken in the fact that progress is happening and I think you should definately talk to Jackson about it....one more note (sorry so long) I read an article called "Why Michigan will decide the next election" (I forget where!) but the point...Michigan and it's experiences are a microcosm of America..if we find solutions in michigan, we find them across the whole nation..I believe that, and I hope that we can begin to see those types of neighborhoods dissappear..(I went to high school in capitol heights, that neighborhood was and is similar to the one you saw..the people were good, the living conditions were horrendous) thats what we need to see change...I don't know who I am throwing my vote to, but I am liking my choices...
Hey Denise, I had a similar experience with Noah a few years ago. He didn't like a particular kid in his preschool, and when I asked why it was because of his hair. The boy was African American and Noah didn't like his hair. Instantly I felt like I was raising the most bigoted child in America. But over the several years since, I have seen that kids just make observations without knowing what is right or wrong or socially acceptable. It's why they stare at people in wheelchairs or who have an eyepatch or whatever. They have no filter. They can only take in what they see and what they hear and come up with their own rationalization for it. The beauty of it is, he is doing this in your home, where he will be taught by your words and actions that good people come in all varieties.
The fact that he is growing up in a bi-racial home should *prove* that Jackson wasn't making a comment on the state of racial relations in the country, it is just the thoughts of an intelligent child trying to make sense of the world. Which most adults can't even do, for that matter. The fact that you as a parent, and me in my family, and most other parents out there would correct their child and say that it doesn't matter what's on the outside, it's the inside that counts - well, I think that is why we have less to fear from our children's generation.
Use this as a teaching moment, one of very, very many touchy subjects that your kids will bring up, like asking where babies come from while in line at McDonalds. You need an iron constitution to deal with kids once they start talking.
That really is a tough dilemma. About Obama, I can say with about a 99.99% surety that is who I will be voting for. Putting Biden on the ticket just made it more so. I even voted for McCain in his last Senate race, because he seemed at the time to speak the truth to his own party more than most, but the fact that he has voted with Bush 90% of the time speaks volumes. I'm not wanting to get too political (that's a lie, I always want to get political) but, I highly recommend viewing any of the DNC speeches if any of you have not had the chance, including, but not limited to Michelle's, Hillary's, Bill's, Biden's and especially Obama's. Even if you totally disagree with their views, I think it is worth anyone's time. I think I'm going to find a good copy of it on my blog. It was amazing!
Sorry to go the political route, but have people really checked out why McCain voted with Bush 90% of the time - remember, there are always lots of "pork barrel" amendments tacked onto legislation - many times a senator/congressman votes against the amendments, not the original proposal. Wouldn't it be nice if they could just vote for the original intent of the legislation, not the add ons?
Denise,
I think you're approaching it the right way. Keeping things on the positive side with kids will always benefit them more. You're a good mother, I'm not one bit worried about you!~
Love
Bonnie
Okay Denise,
The DNC was great, we are living in truly amazing times. How grateful I am to be here in this dispensation. This absolutely feels like the fullness of times. I really wish I had a simple answer or some really simple advice. The reality is actually pretty simple. He feels this way based on what he has been exposed to. Often times we associate things bad with the colors black, brown, the colors blue and gray are associated with sadness. Mud is brown and dirty so we see brown as dirty. This association of color works with people, animals toys, dolls ect. Brown is also the color of poop. So when we are children and othe kids make all of the poop jokes and if you have a brown coat or shoes and they are regarded as poopy or something else gross that comes from the lower orifice, this starts to change the psyche from thinking that colors are just colors. It turns colors into emotion. I really would not be too alarmed, although it is a little unsettling. As he grows he will see that good and bad come in all shapes, sizes and colors. While in the African American community there is alot of self hatred, I do not think that this is something that he will suffer from. He has a wonderful family, his dad is a great example, he will be fine, just keep pushing the positive reinforcement as well as educating him that bad is not a color, it is a disease of the heart.
These are just my thoughts
--
Love and Prayer bring Peace
Kelly El'Amin
Kelly - that was a beautiful response!! Holy cow. I don't have anything that deep to say except that I think you are an incredible mom, raising sensitive kids. I think Kelly's right that as he grows up, he'll know good when he sees it, no matter what color it is :)
Wow, some fantastic comments. I can only say that it's so important to keep pointing out black men and women like the Obamas and the good they do, and it wouldn't hurt to start teaching Jackson all about who he is, that he has an amazing set of genes from his black ancestors (and teach him all the things that they have done to show their character, strength, intelligence, etc) as well as the amazing set of genes from his white ancestors. And that in the end, they are all even, and that Jackson is an amazing little guy because of that, because he comes from people who are...(fill in the blanks, I don't know his ancestors). I think this is the time when little seeds get planted into children's minds about who they are in the core. You want to start teaching him that in his core, he is awesome, because of his black family and white family.Don't get too complicated, but start planting little ideas in a simple way like that.
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