Denise's Discourse: My obsessions

Thursday, April 3, 2008

My obsessions

There are few things that I enjoy more in this world than soda and fast food. I can't get enough. And because I am such a person who has an annoying all or nothing mentality, I have to cut myself off. Some might argue that I should just limit myself to something like one soda per day. I have tried this approach and it does not work for me. (It is a good thing that I don't drink alcohol. I am pretty confident that I would be an out of control alcoholic if I did.) It really doesn't matter what kind of fast food or soda that it is. It is all wonderful. Because of this obsession, I have made a rule that I can only partake of fast food or soda on one day per month. April 1st was my special day and boy did I enjoy myself. Well, it is April 3rd now and I just had McDonald's with a Diet Coke...for breakfast! Since my one day has turned into three days of junk - no water, fruits, or vegetables; I must publicly make my commitment for this month. So, I'm off the sauce until May 1st. Feel free to pray for me ;)

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FROM THE LITTLE MAN'S MOUTH...

Jackson constantly makes me chuckle at the things he says. Here are some of the things I get to hear each day:

2/2011
After one of the very few times I had a burp and right after my parents left after coming to visit:
J: You have your father's burp.

8/3/2020
D: Your uncle is getting really skinny, he's been on a diet.
J: Why?
D: Because he wants to be more healthy.
J: Maybe you should try it.
D: Why?
J: No reason, no reason.
D: Maybe Daddy should try it.
J: No, Daddy is skinny enough.

7/30/2010
While I am jammin' in the car to my girl Mylie Cyrus:
L: Shub up, Mommy.
D: Luke, in our family we don't say shut up. That's not nice.
J: What he's trying to say is that you need to be quiet. You are not a very good singer and you can't dance.
D: If I can't sing, why did I get into a high school for kids who are singers? And, I CAN dance. I was on a dance team and we went to the National Championship. We came in 19th place out of the whole USA.
J: 19th place? Was your trophy the size of an ant?

7/15/2010
After Luke asked, "Who is Jimmy?"
J: Jimmy is Daddy. But you can call him Cornelius.

5/2010
While my sister was visiting and I was singing in the car:
J: Was mom this annoying when she was growing up?

8/30/09
Just after I found Jackson crossing the street on his own:
D: What would happen if you got hit by a car and died?
J: I would get to see Jesus and then be a kid in heaven.
D: But Daddy and I would be SO sad.
J: You're young, you can have more children.

4/26/09
We were invited to have dinner with a family that we don't know very well in the neighborhood. While eating a dessert of brownies with the sweet (Caucasian) family:
J: My Dad LOVES brownies ... that's because he is brown.

3/7/09
After attending the Father/Son bowling banquet at school:
J: Daddy, my friend said that he didn't know my Daddy was black.
B: What did you say?
J: I said that he isn't black, he's BROWN!

2/28/09
On a rainy day when I wore my hair curly to church while pregnant:
J: You look just like my Aunt (who has curly hair), when she used to be fat.

2/12/09
D: What do you think about moving to a new house down the street?
J: Why?
D: Because we could save money and it is in better shape.
J: Oh, so it is a square, ok.

12/08
After Mommy told him not to do something:
J: You NEVER let me eat junk food.
D: Well, I have to make sure you are healthy and take care of you.
J: Daddy can take care of me.
D: But Daddy has to go to work.
J: We can get a babysitter.
D: But then you would have to stay with someone that you don't even know.
J: I know, we could get a robot to be our mommy!

10/29/08
While walking past some Halloween decorations:
J: Why do they have to put that stuff around. It is terrifying.

10/9/08
After getting in trouble for hurting his brother:
J: You don't love me.
D: That's not true, I love you very much.
J: You don't love me. That's why I have to live this miserable life.

10/7/08
As we are pulling into the school parking lot for "Movie Night".
J: This isn't the movie theater!
D: I know, the movie is at your school.
J: That's awkward.

9/30/08
J: Mom, who do you want to be on The Beauty and the Beast?
I want to be the cup, Chip.
D: I think I'll be Mrs. Potts, the teapot. She is Chip's mother, you know.
J: Are you sure? She has LOTS of cup children.
D: What's wrong with having lots of children?
J: Then they would cry all the time and be stinky. You would go crazy!
D: Yeah, maybe I should be Belle.

9/28/08
Randomly, as we are driving:
J: Mom, can I have this car when you die?

9/21/08
After giving an Article of Faith at church:
J: I had stage fright, but I kept my cool.

9/12/08
Disclaimer: You will only get this IF you know this rap song and wonder how on earth a 5 year old would know it.

After hearing someone talking about Fifty Cent, the rapper, on the radio: (And, yes, I'm sure his name is spelled incorrectly.)
J: Fifty Cent? What is that?
D: Oh, it is a singer guy.
J: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Singing: Fifty Cent, back on that gangsta tip....

9/12/08
After just coloring my hair:
D: Jackson, do I look any different?
J: Yes.
D: What part of me looks different?
J: Well, you have a pimple.

8/20/08
When meeting the principal at his new school:
J: Kids have to go in your office when they do bad things.
Principal: You seem like a very nice boy, so I'm sure you won't have to worry about that.
J: We'll see.

8/10/08
During sharing time in church (with 7-8 adults in the room) Jackson raises his hand. The teacher has just told them that watching a bad show could make it harder to feel the Holy Spirit. After he is called on: "My Mommy and Daddy watch bad shows after I go to bed."

8/9/08
While admiring a massive garden at a friends house:
J to the family: "Why do you grow so much food? Are you poor?"

7/29/08
Me: "That boy, Om, in your swimming class looks a lot like Jr."
J: "No, he doesn't."
Me: "Really? I think he does."
J: "Does he speak Spanish?"
Me: "I don't think so."
J: "Does he have black car?"
Me: "No."
J: "Does he like Cars?"
Me: "I'm not sure. I didn't say that he WAS Jr., just that he looks like Jr."
J: "Does he have the same parents?"
Me: "No."
J: "Does he live in MD?"
Me: "No."
J: "See, he doesn't look like Jr."
Me: Maybe you're right.

This morning (7/25/08) Jackson said that he missed Daddy. Daddy called at that moment. This was their conversation.
J: "Daddy, why did you turn off the light last night?"
B: gives explanation of why he turned the light down, not off.
J: Irritated, "Then I say to you, GOOD DAY SIR." The phone is immediately dropped.

This morning's conversation 7/24/08:
Jackson: "I'm going to fart."
Me: "Please don't use that word. In our family we say, toot."
J: "Fart means throw up."
Me: "Actually, it means toot."
J: "Actually, Your mother didn't teach you very well."

After I swerved the smallest little bit while driving the new car, "Um, MAYbe you should get a license."

Randomly, "Are we going to church today?"
My response, "No, it's Tuesday. Why?"
"Hello Mommy, you're wearing make-up."

As we are introducing ourselves to our new neighbors:
"My Mommy is a nice stranger. She believes in Jesus."

Whenever Mommy wore makeup: Whispering to Daddy, "Tell Mommy she is a beautiful princess." Then, after Daddy would say it, Jackson would deny that he had any part of it.

During an argument with Daddy over who was Mommy's boyfriend, "You already had your chance (while pointing to our wedding picture), she is my girlfriend now." 2.5 yrs old